* What you need to realize is that it’s the way either of you behave during the time you spend together that matters.
A few nights ago I asked my girlfriend Emma how her boyfriend was—and she almost spit her wine out.
After dissecting the past couple of months of her life, we were both wondering what was really going on with them.
Before I got off of the phone with him I said, “Hold on. ” He explained, “Well, right now I’m dating this lady, but she’s only separated from her husband, so I want to see where it goes. His use of ambiguity put my heart in a vulnerable spot. Vague dates are an epidemic, but they can be stopped by honesty and clear boundaries.
Maybe once that is done we could date, but for the sake of definition, yes, I guess we better call ourselves ‘just friends,’ though I know there’s undeniably chemistry between us. Here are a few tips to help you navigate the spaces between dates and “hangouts.” Be intentional: Be present in the moment and try not to project too far into the future. Take into account that you are worth taking the time to get to know, and so is he.
Or to know he sees this thing as more than a casual hookup? I don't know, but instead of putting yourself down or letting everyone and their mother tell you how dumb you are, remember, at least you have Hanging out isn't something you'd tell your mother during the holidays, but it's nothing to torture yourself over, either.
Or maybe this is just a couple-times-a-week thing, and that's all it will ever be. Yes, it's all very ambiguous and confusing, and I might give up on it altogether, but don't lose sight of the goal. It's the first step, and definitely not the last because we want to get you out of the post-friend zone.
With a great amount of audacity he said, “Sorry, I look forward to hanging out again soon!
” I repeated that last part to myself: The words fell on my ears with all kinds of crashing disappointment. Was I over-thinking a perfectly good male-female friendship and trying to fit it into a category of my desire rather than its intent?
We’ve all been there: you get asked out by that cutie you’ve been eyeing and after the initial excitement wears off the questions come flooding in. Lo Dolce tells us that “a date implies that there’s a future potential for a relationship, hanging out is merely for hooking up.” Examples of a date may be going out for drinks or coffee, being taken to dinner (regardless of who pays) or going out to see a movie, whereas a hangout is staying in to watch Netflix or hanging out late-night after a party or going to a bar.
Don’t worry—Her Campus talked to expert Adam Lo Dolce, the founder of Sexy Confidence, a website dedicated to helping the 21st century woman create a love life she loves, about how you can distinguish between the two. Before being able to distinguish between a date and a hangout, you have to realize there is a distinct difference between the two.
“For now, if I like a girl and I choose to spend the day or night with her I consider it a date.” In a case like Charlie’s, it doesn’t hurt to inquire about their motives and expectations to make sure you’re both on the same page.