Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown I am at a phase in my life right now where I’m struggling with loneliness.
Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman.
Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays—not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups—is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. "A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to 'protect' her and now she has to go out into the world on her own," says Diana Kirschner, Ph D, author of .
In particular, the daunting prospect of sharing my future with another human being who, in essence, I just did not feel a connection with anymore.
I could choose to spend my days feeling alone, on the surface still part of the relationship, but deep down feeling emotionally detached and distanced from him.
Instead, "it's usually clear when you're not ready," says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of .
That is, "when the very idea turns you off." But you can decide that you're ready to at least try.
Perhaps we hope the other person will abandon ship first and let us off the hook from doing the dirty work.
Either way, we often go to elaborate lengths to send the message before we actually put voice to the words we want to say ... "Here are a few subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways we people put off that 'everyone else knows it's coming so we should probably just end it' inevitable break up.
But it's also tough, she adds, because once you're on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he'll-call sort of way.
So how can you make post-divorce dating—whether you're looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man—less daunting?
As I read through the comments on Facebook over the weekend, I felt compelled to revisit the subject and I want to remind you of why it is a grave mistake to remain friends with an ex that has mistreated you.